Church & Ministry Consulting
Helping pastors, missionaries, and entire churches become spiritually healthy
Church & Ministry Consulting
Dr. Tony Wheeler presents
|
|
research
Recent research by The Barna Institute shows that a Family Ministry Pastor is the 7th pastor hired by a local church. Most churches do not have a congregation large enough to support seven pastors. More often than not, a marriage and family ministry in most local churches does not exist. FMS integrates Dr. Wheeler’s “secret sauce” content concerning our self-protective facades (our SPFs) with the option to include Dr. Wheeler’s seminar The Choice in Marriage content with the six elements of a strong marriage from his doctoral dissertation.
Over many years, Dr. Wheeler has discovered one of the main reasons people struggle in relationships is a direct result of their self-protective façade. He teaches his unique view about our SPF in many of his seminars, helping people recognize why they are so defensive and how they can better bond and connect with their spouse, children, and others.
Over many years, Dr. Wheeler has discovered one of the main reasons people struggle in relationships is a direct result of their self-protective façade. He teaches his unique view about our SPF in many of his seminars, helping people recognize why they are so defensive and how they can better bond and connect with their spouse, children, and others.
THE MISSION
Mission
To Join Pastors, Churches, and Communities in Strengthening and Helping Marriages & Families
Do you and your church feel equipped to help the hurting marriages, difficult parent-child relationships, pre-marital situation, or struggling family to understand how to better communicate with one another and understand what is at the root of their issues? Would you like to provide a resource for your church or organization that will come alongside of you and help you mentor and train your interested lay-leaders to disciple and help people with individual and family issues?
Some churches want to be more effective in strengthening the marriages and families within their sphere of influence. Today’s typical modern family is no longer a married father and mother with two children. More families today are non-traditional than traditional. We can help individuals in any family to learn how to better connect and communicate with one another.
Healthy individuals allow for healthy marriages and healthy family relationships. A healthy individual is one that is able to move beyond self-protection and see/care about others. A healthy self-identity and self-awareness are crucial in creating healthy marriages and families. Individuals are able to move beyond self-protection to the extent that they are able to trust God to be their protector and advocate.
This Family Ministry System—FMS—is designed to help pastors and leaders develop a type of family ministry within their church. Dr. Wheeler will develop a system just for your organization based on conversations he will have with you to see what your needs are for your unique congregation. Usually, he will encourage you to bring him in to do a specific Coffee Conversations Workshop to train Coffee Cup Coaches and Family Ministry Champions, your interested and qualified lay-leaders, who will become the bedrock of your family ministry. He will usually then encourage your church or organization to have him speak at a seeker friendly event for your church and community. This is usually a marriage or parenting event designed to interest the community surrounding your church. We encourage you to create flyers for this keynote on Sunday morning or catalytic event of your choice and take them to the homes in your area. Once they come to the event, some issues or problems might become evident—trouble in a marriage, relationship, or with a child—or maybe they just need someone to talk to to discuss any problem they might be having with finances, health issues, fear, shame, addictions, etc. This is your opportunity to connect these people with your Coffee Cup Coaches and Family Ministry Champions to provide a safe and compassionate, caring place of relational contact. Galatians 6:12 states, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. FMS provides a step-by-step approach to helping others carry their burdens.
To Join Pastors, Churches, and Communities in Strengthening and Helping Marriages & Families
- Traditional Families
- Blended Families
- Special Needs Families
- Single Parent Families
- Men’s role in Marriage and Family
- Single’s role in Marriage and Family
- Inter-generational Families
- Cross Cultural Families
- Pastor’s Families
Do you and your church feel equipped to help the hurting marriages, difficult parent-child relationships, pre-marital situation, or struggling family to understand how to better communicate with one another and understand what is at the root of their issues? Would you like to provide a resource for your church or organization that will come alongside of you and help you mentor and train your interested lay-leaders to disciple and help people with individual and family issues?
Some churches want to be more effective in strengthening the marriages and families within their sphere of influence. Today’s typical modern family is no longer a married father and mother with two children. More families today are non-traditional than traditional. We can help individuals in any family to learn how to better connect and communicate with one another.
Healthy individuals allow for healthy marriages and healthy family relationships. A healthy individual is one that is able to move beyond self-protection and see/care about others. A healthy self-identity and self-awareness are crucial in creating healthy marriages and families. Individuals are able to move beyond self-protection to the extent that they are able to trust God to be their protector and advocate.
This Family Ministry System—FMS—is designed to help pastors and leaders develop a type of family ministry within their church. Dr. Wheeler will develop a system just for your organization based on conversations he will have with you to see what your needs are for your unique congregation. Usually, he will encourage you to bring him in to do a specific Coffee Conversations Workshop to train Coffee Cup Coaches and Family Ministry Champions, your interested and qualified lay-leaders, who will become the bedrock of your family ministry. He will usually then encourage your church or organization to have him speak at a seeker friendly event for your church and community. This is usually a marriage or parenting event designed to interest the community surrounding your church. We encourage you to create flyers for this keynote on Sunday morning or catalytic event of your choice and take them to the homes in your area. Once they come to the event, some issues or problems might become evident—trouble in a marriage, relationship, or with a child—or maybe they just need someone to talk to to discuss any problem they might be having with finances, health issues, fear, shame, addictions, etc. This is your opportunity to connect these people with your Coffee Cup Coaches and Family Ministry Champions to provide a safe and compassionate, caring place of relational contact. Galatians 6:12 states, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. FMS provides a step-by-step approach to helping others carry their burdens.
FAMILY MINISTRY SYSTEM TRAINING
Family Ministry System
Parenting Seminar
Coffee Cup Conversations
(you choose the seminar or do more than one event)
4. Do follow-up trainings as needed for the coaches and champion lay-leaders
Many people sitting in your chairs and pews desire to be involved in a relevant way within the church body. This system provides the opportunity for anyone with a solid Christian, biblical understanding and a friendly demeanor to invest and serve in a powerful way helping you make friends with those outside your body, helping them become over-comers in Christ.
- Train Coffee Cup Coaches
- Train Family Ministry Champions
- Bring Dr. Wheeler in as a Keynote Speaker or Catalytic Event Speaker to connect neighborhood people to your coaches and champions:
Parenting Seminar
Coffee Cup Conversations
(you choose the seminar or do more than one event)
4. Do follow-up trainings as needed for the coaches and champion lay-leaders
Many people sitting in your chairs and pews desire to be involved in a relevant way within the church body. This system provides the opportunity for anyone with a solid Christian, biblical understanding and a friendly demeanor to invest and serve in a powerful way helping you make friends with those outside your body, helping them become over-comers in Christ.
So, How does all this work?
So, most churches decide to take the following steps, in this order, to begin to bring in the lost and hurting into their church:
- Working with your elders, deacons, and leaders, identify individuals and couples who have a mature relationship with Christ, are generally kind and friendly and likable, and who would like to be more involved in bringing the Kingdom of God to earth through your church or organization. These people will be trained to love on the hurting and lost. It works the best if you designate a leader over the Family Ministry System, whether that is the senior pastor or another associate pastor or lay-leader. This leader can help the pastor stay in contact with the lay-coaches. Usually the senior pastor is pretty busy speaking and pastoring within the church already, so designating a leader over this area can help.
- Have Dr. Wheeler come to your church to give a Coffee Conversations Seminar to train your identified lay-leaders and those interested in helping the church strengthen the individuals, marriages, and families in your area. These people will be either Coffee Cup Coaches (working with individuals talking about and praying about any issue) or Family Ministry Champions (people who will specifically work in the area of marriage, parenting, and family topics.)
- After training these lay-leaders, bring Dr. Wheeler into your church or area to do a keynote address on Sunday morning or to give what we call a catalytic event: a marriage seminar, a parenting seminar, or a healthy relationships seminar—you choose. Start something new in your church or with a group of churches to help the people in your surrounding neighborhoods. He has worked with multiple churches in one area, if this is what you would desire, or he can just work with one church at a time. Make flyers and take them to people in the neighborhood surrounding your church. Be friendly! Invite them to come to your event. If you are praying over this event, you might be surprised to see who God brings into your church! We especially like the Choice in Marriage which will teach people the top six elements in a strong marriage as identified through Tony’s doctoral dissertation from Kansas State University. You do not need to be a Christian to begin to implement these strong marriage elements. Promoting this event is easier when people recognize the school (usually) and appreciate the credibility of the content.
- At the end of the catalytic event seminar, let the seminar attendees know that there are individuals trained and willing to meet one-on-one through meetings over a cup of coffee (usually same-sex individuals meeting together) to talk about life’s difficulties or even just for people who might be lonely and wanting to meet with someone to talk. These are your trained Coffee Cup Coaches and Family Ministry Champions. These are the people in your church who are ready to take Christ’s love to the hurting and lost.
- Bring Dr. Wheeler in for follow-up trainings for your coaches and champions.
more information and purpose for your church
I want to share more information further explaining the gist of this system we have created called Family Ministry System (FMS) for the purpose of helping churches develop a ministry to marriages and families and hurting people, just to recap the main points. We hope it will aid you in developing a healthy system in your church where your personal theology and practice concerning marriages and families can thrive and influence hurting marriages and individuals.
In 2006 and 2007, I had the opportunity to help organize and host at Highlands Church in Scottsdale, AZ, a series of meetings called The Innovations Alliance, created by Dr. John Trent, teaming with Focus on the Family and Family Life. We gathered many of the most influential thinkers and practitioners in the area of marriage and family for the purpose of discovering how to better meet the needs of today's modern family through the local church. Senior pastors, Family pastors, Educators, Para-Church leaders with an emphasis on the field of marriage and family met to explore best practices for helping couples have happy, healthy relationships that they are able to commit to for a lifetime. Small churches and large churches, such as Rick Warren’s Saddleback Community and Joel Osteen’s Lakewood Church were represented. As we read through the notes of the alliance we were able to identify two variables that seemed to have an effect on a church or care giving systems ability to have both a successful and sustainable family ministry. By the way, the large churches also struggle to meet the needs of their families.
The purpose of Family Ministry Systems is to come alongside your church to strengthen marriages and families by equipping the body and strengthening the potential that already exists within your congregation. Our goal is to train lay leadership, within the local church, to assist the pastor in reaching the needs of marriages and families. We offer a support system that will encourage sustainable growth for years to come. Our goal is to team with and support churches in this critical area of ministry.
Ministry and/or community impact are always possible in the short run if enough time and money are thrown at a program, but impact that is sustainable is more rare and necessary for helping families make changes for the better that counter society or their inherited generational patterns. The two variables we were able to identify as being present within ministries that are both successful and sustainable are what we call “Family Ministry Champions” and “Coffee Cup Coaches.”
In 2006 and 2007, I had the opportunity to help organize and host at Highlands Church in Scottsdale, AZ, a series of meetings called The Innovations Alliance, created by Dr. John Trent, teaming with Focus on the Family and Family Life. We gathered many of the most influential thinkers and practitioners in the area of marriage and family for the purpose of discovering how to better meet the needs of today's modern family through the local church. Senior pastors, Family pastors, Educators, Para-Church leaders with an emphasis on the field of marriage and family met to explore best practices for helping couples have happy, healthy relationships that they are able to commit to for a lifetime. Small churches and large churches, such as Rick Warren’s Saddleback Community and Joel Osteen’s Lakewood Church were represented. As we read through the notes of the alliance we were able to identify two variables that seemed to have an effect on a church or care giving systems ability to have both a successful and sustainable family ministry. By the way, the large churches also struggle to meet the needs of their families.
The purpose of Family Ministry Systems is to come alongside your church to strengthen marriages and families by equipping the body and strengthening the potential that already exists within your congregation. Our goal is to train lay leadership, within the local church, to assist the pastor in reaching the needs of marriages and families. We offer a support system that will encourage sustainable growth for years to come. Our goal is to team with and support churches in this critical area of ministry.
Ministry and/or community impact are always possible in the short run if enough time and money are thrown at a program, but impact that is sustainable is more rare and necessary for helping families make changes for the better that counter society or their inherited generational patterns. The two variables we were able to identify as being present within ministries that are both successful and sustainable are what we call “Family Ministry Champions” and “Coffee Cup Coaches.”
family ministry champions & coffee cup coaches
Family Ministry Champions
Family Ministry Champions are simply the people in any organization that are committed to doing what it takes to strengthen the marriages and families within their sphere of influence. They are committed to promoting, leading, administrating, etc., initiatives that offer families the help they need.
Family Ministry Champions involve training key identified leaders to develop a vision for specific family ministries. Successful and sustainable family ministries have a person or team of Family Ministry Champions to carry the vision and implement the strategy for helping families in the church and community. With a unifying family ministry vision in place - agreed upon by the senior pastor, associate pastors, elders and key influencers - we will assist your team in implementing the necessary elements to have an impact on strengthening the marriages and families within your sphere of influence.
Effective Family Champions are motivated by clear vision, mission, and objectives. We will help a team identify these:
Additionally, these Ministry Champions have a clearly defined one, three, and five-year plan for achieving their Vision, Mission and Objectives.
Family Ministry Champions involve training key identified leaders to develop a vision for specific family ministries. Successful and sustainable family ministries have a person or team of Family Ministry Champions to carry the vision and implement the strategy for helping families in the church and community. With a unifying family ministry vision in place - agreed upon by the senior pastor, associate pastors, elders and key influencers - we will assist your team in implementing the necessary elements to have an impact on strengthening the marriages and families within your sphere of influence.
Effective Family Champions are motivated by clear vision, mission, and objectives. We will help a team identify these:
- Vision: What we want to be known for. What God has called us to do within our community. What could be.
- Mission: How will your ministry/company uniquely accomplish the vision? What is the purpose of your Family Ministry?
- Objectives: Specific movement, programs, emphasis, outreach, etc., that are measured by clear SMART goals (SMART goals, Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bound).
Additionally, these Ministry Champions have a clearly defined one, three, and five-year plan for achieving their Vision, Mission and Objectives.
Coffee Cup Coaches
Coffee Cup Coaches Training is the second key element of a strong base for your family ministry. It is a plan for helping people grow, as issues within families come to surface. As you work with people, two things become apparent: (1) people are hurting and need someone who can lend a listening, supportive ear; and (2) many people in the church are gifted with counseling and communication skills that are not being utilized.
“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will |
“Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your |
I have found that many people want to become more present in conversations and become aware of what God is doing in a conversation. People can learn how to hold encouraging and helpful conversations with others, but many people are afraid that they won’t know how to respond when certain topics come up in the conversation. I frequently tell people “I’m not afraid of what is inside of you,” but the truth is that many of us are afraid of what someone might say or do in a conversation. Will we know how to respond? Will we know what to say? Also, I have found that most people are more burdened by the storms and trials in life than you might realize. We are good actors and actresses in our daily lives. People need help. Coffee Cup Coaches training will help your coaches begin to identify what is holding them back from feeling comfortable caring for others and listening to others. Tony’s self-protective façade (SPF) content will be taught to help coaches understand their own barriers to connecting.
Who around you is hurting right now? Could that person benefit from a healing conversation over a simple cup of coffee? Do you have the desire to help others overcome the obstacles in their lives? You can discover what might be preventing you from intimately connecting with and encouraging others. You can also learn practical wisdom as to how to use your words to speak life and hope to someone over a hot cup of coffee.
Unfortunately, what you see and hear from a person on the surface of a conversation is typically not what is beneath the surface of the person standing or sitting in front of you. Like literary experts will tell you concerning the study of literature: what is written on the surface of the page is not what is meant. We must look deeper to really discover the truth in someone’s heart; we must listen and observe more carefully to discern the true emotions beneath the surface of the words that we hear. We must become aware of the state of our hearts and brutally honest with ourselves so that we can eventually learn to set aside our own problems and needs and be attentive to another person. This becomes an act of sacrifice and love. It can also be helpful to have a basic understanding of people, understand how we protect our hearts on a daily basis, and understand the Coffee-Cup Model for coaching others. Three keys for helpful conversations will be explored: learn to be aware of your own feelings and the feelings of others, find the healthy and righteous steps to take in any situation, sustain positive change through seeking God and through spiritual habits of awareness.
The Bible makes it clear we are to care for one another on an intimate level. This training will empower your people to overcome fears of one-on-one relationship encouragement and building, over a cup of coffee. You will be amazed to see your people set free to do the work of God in your body. Coffee Cup Coaches training will empower them!
Who around you is hurting right now? Could that person benefit from a healing conversation over a simple cup of coffee? Do you have the desire to help others overcome the obstacles in their lives? You can discover what might be preventing you from intimately connecting with and encouraging others. You can also learn practical wisdom as to how to use your words to speak life and hope to someone over a hot cup of coffee.
Unfortunately, what you see and hear from a person on the surface of a conversation is typically not what is beneath the surface of the person standing or sitting in front of you. Like literary experts will tell you concerning the study of literature: what is written on the surface of the page is not what is meant. We must look deeper to really discover the truth in someone’s heart; we must listen and observe more carefully to discern the true emotions beneath the surface of the words that we hear. We must become aware of the state of our hearts and brutally honest with ourselves so that we can eventually learn to set aside our own problems and needs and be attentive to another person. This becomes an act of sacrifice and love. It can also be helpful to have a basic understanding of people, understand how we protect our hearts on a daily basis, and understand the Coffee-Cup Model for coaching others. Three keys for helpful conversations will be explored: learn to be aware of your own feelings and the feelings of others, find the healthy and righteous steps to take in any situation, sustain positive change through seeking God and through spiritual habits of awareness.
The Bible makes it clear we are to care for one another on an intimate level. This training will empower your people to overcome fears of one-on-one relationship encouragement and building, over a cup of coffee. You will be amazed to see your people set free to do the work of God in your body. Coffee Cup Coaches training will empower them!
"Lets have coffee" |
“I’m not afraid of what is inside of you.” |
The second element for achieving success and sustainability in a family ministry program is a group of care givers that are trained and ready to care for the issues that arise in people as you reach out to help strengthen their marriage and families. If your family ministry program is effective, people’s issues will begin coming to the surface. Ministry programs that are sustainable are ready to help people work through issues in their relationships. In essence you want to say to people that you are not afraid of them and that you will walk with them as they pursue the relational health God is offering them.
There are a number of lay-counseling programs that are, for the most part, fantastic. At the Family Ministry Institue we have developed a training program to help churches, communities, and businesses establish this level of care giving. Again, we call this part of the program Coffee Cup Coaching and we would love to help your organization in any way that we can.
Once an organization has these two elements in place, Champions and Coaches, they are then able to go public and begin helping strengthen the marriages and families within their sphere of influence.
There are a number of lay-counseling programs that are, for the most part, fantastic. At the Family Ministry Institue we have developed a training program to help churches, communities, and businesses establish this level of care giving. Again, we call this part of the program Coffee Cup Coaching and we would love to help your organization in any way that we can.
Once an organization has these two elements in place, Champions and Coaches, they are then able to go public and begin helping strengthen the marriages and families within their sphere of influence.
a note to pastors
As you define your personal marriage and family theology and practice, I want to encourage you to think through what it will take to help people within your community live a life with dedicated marriages and hope-filled families. Who are the Champions and who are your Coffee Cup Coaches? How will you achieve the vision God is placing in your heart to live and help others live in a God-honoring way?
Please encourage people to go to wheelerministries.com for more information.
Blessings,
Tony Wheeler, Ph.D.
Please encourage people to go to wheelerministries.com for more information.
Blessings,
Tony Wheeler, Ph.D.
